By Darin J. McCann

Wedding invitations give me anxiety.

I can’t be the only one, right? Others have to see the top-shelf stationery arrive in the mail, or the eye-catching invitation that now arrives via the digital expressway, and feel a tightening in the chest and a shaking in the knees, right?

Well, maybe it is me. But it’s not out of any disdain for the rituals of marriage or a public celebration of love. No, there’s very little that is more beautiful than the idea of two human beings pledging their souls and lives to one another in front of the people they cherish. It is pure and exciting and can warm the very sub-cockles of one’s heart.

I just don’t know what to wear.

Look, I get it. Nobody’s there to look at what some schlub is wearing to a wedding. They are there to see the couple of the hour — the reason for the season, so to speak. The rest of us are part of the background, there to provide support, partake in a special moment, and maybe wiggle around some cocktail-stricken legs to the tune of the Electric Slide.

We’re window dressing, basically, and therein lies the rub: How should we dress?

Specifically, how should a man dress when going to a wedding as a guest? Not as a groom. Not as a member of the party. No, those things are pre-ordained by the couple of the hour. Those choices are easy. This is when we have to dress up but don’t really know how to dress up. How do we do this?

How do we do any of this?

Fret not, dear readers. We have your back. But you need to do just a little bit of research first. It’s not all that hard, and there’s a very good chance the information you need can be found right on that invitation.

You have to find out what kind of dress is expected. Let’s take a look at some options:

White Tie

This is for a very formal wedding, and it’s not as popular as it once was.

“If you’re invited to a ceremony that requires white tie wedding attire, you’re either a movie star or know people who are,” according to trendhim.com. “This dress code is the most formal of the ones we’ll cover and requires tails on your tuxedo, a waistcoat, and all of the old-world charm you can muster.”

The idea here is to not look for individuality: embrace the formula.

“There is absolutely no wiggle room here — you’ll have to wear a tuxedo with tails, a white bibbed wingtip collar shirt with French cuffs, white piqué bowtie and white waistcoat,” according to propercloth.com. “If you live in the U.K., this might be a dress code you run into from time to time, but elsewhere it’s very rare.”

Black Tie

Still formal, but not quite as rigid as a white-tie event. Guests are still looking at a tuxedo but could also go with a black sports coat without looking like the aforementioned schlub, “but you can show personality through a pocket square or subtly entertaining cufflinks,” according to trendhim.com.

Black lace-ups are always a good idea, suggested the people at propercloth.com, but they added that a timeless patent-leather shoe might work the best.

“A peak or shawl lapel is the order of the day; a notched lapel is acceptable but is best avoided if at all possible,” they continued.

Casual

Oh, boy. This seems to leave too much wiggle room for the fashion-challenged out there (you know... me). While my first thought here would be to embrace jeans, a T-shirt, and some sneakers, I fear I mistook “casual” for “casually homeless” before I did a little research.

“Just because it says ‘casual’ doesn’t mean you should just show up in jeans and a T-shirt,” according to propercloth. “While a suit is too formal, we think a sport coat with trousers (no tie) strikes the perfect balance between relaxed and refined. It respects the importance of the event without seeming out of place. Patterned or more textured fabrics for your tailored clothing (linen in the summer, wool flannels in the winter) are a great play here. Go for loafers or monkstraps (avoid lace-ups and sneakers).”

We’re going to assume you know what monkstraps are and move on at this point.

Note: Monkstraps are, in fact, a more refined version of the shoes monks wore years ago, according to belevedereshoes.com. So, I was wrong. They are not made of monks.

Beach

And here we go: perfect for the guest to a wedding who might be reading something called Delaware Seaside Bride for help. We do have a lot of beach weddings here, and others that might be in different venues but are close enough to the beach to embrace that fashion choice.

Do not show up wearing swim trunks and a snorkel if it says “beach wear” on the invite. You’ll thank me later.

“Time to have some fun,” suggested propercloth. “We love a lighter-hued seasonal suit (cream, beige, light grey or faded blue) with a relaxed shirt. Linen blends are perfect for most, and the bold shouldn’t overlook a printed Aloha shirt. Pay attention to specific attire requests from the couple (pale neutral shades only, for example). Skip the tie. Loafers or espadrilles are the play here.”

“The most common beach wedding outfits for men include a button-down shirt, slacks or chinos and a suit jacket or blazer if it’s a formal ceremony,” per The Knot.

And there you have it. Regardless the style of wedding, or your own fashion talents (or lack thereof), there’s a way to look good and blend in seamlessly.

Now you have to go find the perfect gift...

Banner photo courtesy of Getty Images